Kentucky

Just as I criss-crossed Iowa 4 times a few weeks ago, it was Kentucky's turn this past week. I got to thinking and came to the realization that Kentucky is famous for a lot of things that could hurt you. Some rather quickly and others at a slower, more deliberate pace. Ok, let's run down the list. As the Bluegrass State is home of the Kentucky Derby, there are plenty of horses everywhere. I could smell manure in an urban setting at a fuel island at a truck stop...it overrode the diesel fumes. Impressive, especially since I didn't actually see the horses. You could fall off a horse, receive a swift shoe in the face, get a bite with over-size teeth...it's all got to hurt. We're not talking' Mr. Ed here.

Next up, it's the Louisville Slugger. For those of you who are not baseball fans, it's a bat. A very good bat. Millions of Little Leaguers past and present will tell all about a Louisville Slugger. So will gang members, street hoodlums, store owners and truckers who have their own version to beat on tires to see if they're inflated correctly. They sell the trucker version in truck stops and call it a "tire tester". Yeah, right. Test it on your head if you come in my truck un-announced.

Then there's Kentucky Fried Chicken. Extra Crispy? A cholesterol bomb in every bite. Let's get a bucket and get started. They even came out with a grilled version recently to appease the critics.

Kentucky Women. There's probably more songs about Kentucky Women than any other state. The Judds, that native Kentuckian mother and daughter country music duo, look like they could ride rough shod over any man. How about the song " Kentucky Rain" ? Poor Elvis chased all over the state in the cold rain for one who left him. He had no idea why she left, not even a clue. He didn't even have a car. She probably drove off in it along with his heart. He had to hitch a ride from a preacher man. Couldn’t find her. No luck. Neil Diamond had his own version of a Kentucky woman. A friend of mine once said a Kentucky woman damn near killed him. If he ever got involved with another, she would probably finish the job.

And should we not forget Kentucky Bourbon. We all know what hard liquor can do. There's a reason they call it "hard". Yeah, that fine sipping' gentleman's choice. Me and bourbon don't get along. Many years ago, a summertime thunderstorm on someone's lawn woke me up from a chance encounter with fine Kentucky Bourbon. In Kentucky, they advertise a "Bourbon Trail" on official DOT signs on the interstates. I haven't figured that one out yet, but I wonder if you need ambulatory assistance at trail terminus.

Last, but not least, there were the Hatfields and McCoys. The famous family feud. Mostly, they were hurting each other. I believe the Hatfield's lived on the Kentucky side and the McCoys on the West Virginia side.

Other than all things I've mentioned, it's a beautiful state with friendly people. There's plenty of tall fescue type grass, neatly manicured with a bluish tint to it. They even had to put the Greater Cincinnati Airport is in Northern Kentucky. If you visit Ft. Knox, in Kentucky, I suppose one of those gold bars would hurt too, if you dropped it on your foot..